Ladies! The bet is off!

In a hilarious twist, the bet is off. Or at least it's almost over.

My co-worker wrote up this contract on the hilarious website www.bureauofcommunication.com.


Notice in the additional notes, the end date of the bet is Nov. 27/09 rather than Nov. 27/10.

So really, I will have won the bet in 50 minutes. What a fantastic error!

In the meantime... Ladies!

Last day of romantic freedom

Well, ladies, time is just about up for anyone hoping to get in on some FT love. The bet begins in 24 hours.

For those of you who don't remember, my co-worker bet me I couldn't stay single and celibate for a year, starting on my birthday (Friday). Keep up, would you?

So this makes Thursday my last day of romantic freedom before he straps a chastity belt on me and wards off any admirers with an ugly stick.

Barely anyone believes I'll make it, but I don't foresee having to fork out $20 any time soon.

Yup. It'll be a year of visits to the gym, hanging out with the boys and admiring ladies from a distance. Which is no different from what I always do.

Queer flix: But I'm a Cheerleader

But I'm a Cheerleader
1999
R
Jamie Babbit
*** (out of five)

But I'm a Cheerleader is the story of Megan, a cheerleader whose family and friends are concerned about her gayness and send her to straight camp. There, she and a slew of other young queers are put through ridiculous training to help them fall into gender roles and ... well, be straight.
In case there are any people who haven't seen it, I won't give any spoilers. But rest assured, what you think will happen is probably what happens.
I don't know why I was disappointed in the movie. I should have known before pressing the play button it wasn't going to be some mind-blowing, life-altering epic movie. I knew it would be a cheesy flick laced heavily with stereotypes, served with a side of bad acting.
But despite that, I will still give it three stars out of five, because it was obvious they were using stereotypes in a way that was meant to make fun of them - and in the case of Jan, actually defy them.
It was a decent no-brainer for a lazy afternoon. I didn't laugh out loud, but I didn't fall asleep.

Unrequited love

Unrequited love is the kind I do best. I am far better at falling in love with people I have no chance with than I am at falling in love with people who love me, too. Not that falling in love is a skill you can develop or a gods-given talent.

*Sigh*

Anyway, I asked my readers if they've ever gone and gotten themselves into such a situation, and here's how you answered:

Yes, once.	5 (21%)
Yes, more than once.	5 (21%)
It's practically a hobby for me.	5 (21%)
No. I know better than to let myself.	0 (0%)
Yes. I am currently in love with someone I can't be with.	2 (8%)
No, and I hope I never do.	3 (13%)
No. I don't believe in love.	0 (0%)
Yes. She goes by the alias "FT."	2 (8%)
No. I am a robot.*	1 (4%)

It appears there is at least one other person out there who goes by the alias "FT."

I've done this more than once. Whether it was love or not, it sure felt like it at the time. Then again, it sure felt like love when I was engaged to my ex fiance, who is a gay man. It's amazing how people can fool themselves, isn't it?

If I'm anything, I'm a fool.

*Oh, hai! I didn't realize you still read my blog.

Fisticuffs, downtown St. John's style

I witnessed the most hardcore skeet fight of all time last night. I was standing on Duckworth, across from the Majestic and just up the stairs from George, and out of the Majestic five skeets came barreling out, fists flying everywhere. They fought their way across the busy road, stopping traffic, and when they reached my side of the road, I saw that one of them had a knife.

"Whaddya gonna shank me, bitch?" was among the amazing lines hollered.

Some more:

"Your own fadder wouldn't even approve!" (one guy's own father was mentioned numerous times during the fight)

"You're nudding but a bitch!"

"Sure you're my nextdoor neighbour!"

Nobody got stabbed and somehow the fight broke up, thankfully. But man! What a thing to see.

FT takes a spin on the hamster wheel

I dragged my lazy ass to the gym yesterday to sign up. I hate gyms, but with my new schedule and not much to get out of bed for, my body feels limp and pathetic. I need to move it, move it.

On my form, here were a few questions and how I answered them:

Q: What is your fitness goal?
A: Smaller boobs!

Q: Why do you want to join the gym?
A: I am a lazy bum

Q: Why haven't you joined until now?
A: Gyms make me feel like a hamster on a wheel

I was glad the girl who helped me join didn't push the whole weight loss thing. She had some nice little curves herself, actually. There was nothing superficial about the whole experience, which was wonderful because superficiality is my biggest problem with gyms.

Anyway, I expect to feel half human again within a few weeks, and hopefully my boobs will shrink to a point where I can wear button-up shirts without looking like a stripper before the show.

Trigger warning: horrific crime against gay teen

Woah. Hold the ****ing phone. What?

A gay teenager was burned, killed, decapitated and dismembered in Puerto Rico, and here is the investigating police officer's response:

"People who lead this type of lifestyle need to be aware that this will happen."

Read more here if you can handle it.

*Also, I failed to get a blog entry in before midnight, but as it's still yesterday in most of North America, I'm going to pretend like I made it on time.

Worse than spider soup/the bet

100 per cent of my readers agree: a bowl of snot is less appetizing than spider soup! Thanks to Maggie for thinking up such a rotten option for that poll.

Now can anyone think of something more disgusting than a bowl of snot?

In other news, the results of my bet poll are back. Some of you may recall my coworker betting me $20 I can't stay single and celibate for a year. I asked readers how long they'd think I would make it, and here's what you chose:

A week tops. She'll be beating the ladies off with a stick.	3 (13%)
Probably a few months.	7 (30%)
She'll get about half-way through it before she cracks.	5 (21%)
She'll easily make it a year. C'mon, it's not like she's a wanted woman.	2 (8%)
She'll make it a year - she's got all kinds of will power.	2 (8%)
Hopefully not too long. I want her!	3 (13%)
Hopefully the whole year. She's a creep.	1 (4%)

At least two of my readers think I'm undesirable, and at least one thinks I'm a creep! These people probably know me in person. Haha!

Thanks to the compliment from three folks who want me to the ones to make me fail. The bet begins Nov. 27, so I suggest trying your luck before then!

More polls will be up shortly. Keep in mind I'm doing more than one at a time now, so keep on scrollin' and clickin'.

How to get pregnant?

After Corrine told me (while reading my palm) about my future kids, Heather (esthetician) gave me some advice on how to get pregnant.

"Just go to George Street on a Sunday morning and roll around."

FT's palm

Corrine (at the spa) read my palm today - something she's really, really good at. She was able to tell me accurately about the past and present, and even gave me a glimpse into my future! I look forward to seeing if what she said holds true, and I hope some of it does.

Love: Had a lot of little fling things in the past, but going to meet the right one within five months.

Family: Will have three kids - two biological. First bio kid will be a boy in two years. Non-bio kid will be a girl.

Health: Problems with stomach area are related to mental stress. Need an outlet for fear. Need to start taking care of my health stat. Health line broken in four places.

Other: No more moving is in store! Hurrah!

*The photo is of FT's real-life hand! Printed copies can be sent for autographing.